


Lilies in my Heart

by Riyusama



Series: Lilies & Carnations [1]
Category: Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: Blood, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, I post my work like the scoundrel that i am, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Unrequited Love, amen, and with lots of suffering, graphic death, hanahaki!au, homophobia themes, no beta no reread
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:41:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25549873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riyusama/pseuds/Riyusama
Summary: They were friends. That was all there was to it, Andrew and Steven were friends. It did not matter that Andrew wanted to spend every waking moment with his best friend, did not mind that every time he did spend with said friend he would end up in pain and ache.He likes to think of it as normal, that maybe the constant agony in his chest and coughs of sanguine that continue to pile up were just a mild sickness. That maybe, he was just tired and he needed to drink more water with some cough medicine.Maybe, he just wasn't taking proper care of his health was all. Besides, what they had was a normal loving relationship only between friends.
Relationships: Andrew Ilnyckyj/Steven Lim
Series: Lilies & Carnations [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1863001
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	Lilies in my Heart

**Author's Note:**

> So the entire fic plus the moodboard took me an entire day to finish lmao I was so invested in this fanfic I am at awe that I was able to finish it in one sitting tbh
> 
> I wrote this with Steven's Catholic faith in mind. I used to be Roman Catholic myself so, it was nice to incorporate some of my knowledge and such to his character here. 
> 
> This is my first time writing a Hanahaki AU and to be honest, I am quite pleased with the outcome. Hope you guys enjoy it and also
> 
> DO NOT FORGET TO READ THE TAGS. **READ THE TAGS.**
> 
> That is all, thank you~

The first time that Andrew found out about Steven’s faith was when they were scheduling an episode for Worth it. Steven wasn’t in the room as he was busy producing and helping out in a different show at Buzzfeed. He and Adam were the ones who were in charge of schedules and minor research at the moment. 

“Okay, so we have a couple of meat lovers galore episodes here,” Andrew said, sounding excited. “Do we have a schedule already?” He inquired as he shifted his gaze to Adam.

“Not yet, but Steven did give his schedule to us already,” Adam replied back as he checked the pile of folders in his desk. “He told us that we can schedule on any of these months, he said they’re flexible too.” He looked through a couple of papers before finding the one he was looking for and gave it to Andrew.

Andrew leaned forward and took the piece of paper from Adam. “Thanks,” He said and checked the schedule. “We should shoot as soon as February starts so we can finish early.” 

“We can’t,” Adam quickly replied and Andrew looked up to him in question.

“Why not?” The blond’s attention was averted back to Adam.

“Steven said he’s abstaining from February to March, it’s some faith thing I think,” Adam explained as he stood up from his seat and pointed at the schedule in Andrew’s hands. “See there? Steven already got permission from HR itself, so they’re willing to shift our schedule further from the deadline.”

Andrew checked the piece of paper again and saw that Adam was right, from the whole month of February to March, Steven was not allowed to eat any sort of meat. “Huh,” Andrew let out a sound of mild surprise. “What’s his religion again? I didn’t know about this.”

“He’s Catholic from what I remember, there’s this whole Lenten season yada yada that he explained to me last time,” Adam said as he went back to editing on his desk.

As soon as Andrew was supposed to ask more about this Lenten season Adam was talking about, the door to the office opened loudly with Steven announcing his entrance to basically everyone in the place. 

_‘Perfect timing,’_ Andrew thought _‘Just the guy I wanted to talk to.’_

“Hey Andrew, hey Adam.” Steven greeted the two of them with a smile that Andrew could easily swoon over, but he won’t be because he has a very important thing to ask Steven today.

“Hey, so I have a question,” Andrew started to which he immediately got Steven full attention, his dark brown eyes just looking at Andrew and seriously, can Steven just not look like such a beautiful ethereal being for one second so Andrew can keep a coherent thought for their conversation.

“Yeah?” Steven voiced with a smile.

Andrew had to clear his throat first, directing his eyes back down to the schedule in his hands. “Your schedule, this February to March. We can’t shoot any Worth it episodes there right?” He confirms.

“Oh, celebrating Lent too Steven?” Annie suddenly chirped up from behind them. She had a USB in her hand that she gave to Adam to which the cameraman accepted graciously with a thanks. She turned her attention back to Steven and Andrew before continuing “The whole month or just Wednesdays and Fridays?”

“The whole month baby,” Steven replied back. “And oh yeah, Andrew it’s a season in the Catholic religion. We fast from February to March, basically just no eating of any kind of meat and abstaining from a lot of worldly pleasures.” The silveret explains with a nod of his head before he turns to Annie. “I didn’t know you celebrate Lent too Annie.”

“Oh, no I don’t,” Annie quickly held her hands up and waved them in gesture. “I have relatives who are Catholic from my Filipino side of the family. I’m not Catholic, but I know enough about the celebrations and all.”

“Doesn’t sound like a celebration though if you’re not allowed to do any kind of worldly pleasures.” Andrew sufficed, not in a judging voice but curious instead.

“Well,” Steven’s features scrunched up a little as he tried to think of how to explain his faith to Andrew. “It really _isn’t_ a celebration, but more of going through some aspects of suffering that would help you emphatize with Christ’s experience in the bible.” He explains.

“I remember that February and March are like the days where Jesus was captured, betrayed, and crucified right?” Annie asked Steven.

“Yeah exactly, so in a way we’re also like mourning,” Steven affirms.

“Okay, so we’ll have to move shooting to April instead, right?” Andrew said with a nod of understanding to Steven’s faith. “You’ll be finished abstaining by that time right?”

“Yup!” Steven says as he comes close to Andrew basically just rests a hand on his shoulder to pull his close. “Thanks Andrew.”

Andrew feels butterflies flutter in his stomach, but tries hard to ignore it. “Ask Adam if he’s alright with shooting in April.” 

“I’m okay with it,” Adam retorts back as he takes off his headset for a moment. “We’ll have to start contacting the restaurants for the shoot.”

“I love you guys, come here and let me give you a hug too Adam!” Steven says as he pulls Andrew closer to him that the blond’s face was on Steven’s chest.

“No.” Adam quipped and immediately averted his attention back to work.

“Also go back to work,” Andrew said as he reluctantly and against his will pulled away from Steven. He wished he could bask in Steven’s arms longer, but it would be too awkward and it would just hurt in the long run.

Steven laughs and Andrew just feels too transfixed in that hearty voice full of joy.

“Fine, fine. I’ll leave you, boys, to your work.”

\--------------------------

  
  


“Oh, lilies!” Steven exclaims out as they were walking in one of the streets of Los Angeles. They had just finished a shoot and decided to walk their way to a restaurant they like. The last one was their most expensive locations and quite frankly, having to share one small meal is definitely not enough to give you a full stomach.

The three of them stopped on their heels for a moment as Adam and Andrew waited for Steven to peruse around the flower shop they passed by.

“You like lilies?” Andrew asked as he watched Steven excitedly look over the flower. He couldn’t help but smile at the scene, he didn’t take the other to be a flower lover.

“Kinda? They’re pretty looking ones. Maybe I should get my girlfriend some.” Steven mulls over it as he walks over to the duo as he finishes looking at the displays.

The smile on Andrew’s lips disappears at the mention of Steven’s girlfriend and he feels an ache in his chest. He ignores it though in favor of just shrugging the feeling off. “Does she like lilies?” He asks even if it makes his heart hurt more.

“Hm? Oh, I don’t know.” Steven replies back with a hum. “I just think it’s a bit like our love, pure.” He beams and there’s a bittersweet way Steven makes Andrew feel that it makes his throat feel dry that the blond has to cough.

Andrew moves away, surprised by the sudden cough.

“Are you alright?” Steven worries over him, placing a comforting hand on Andrew’s back as he rubs it. 

“Ye-yeah,” His voice sounded hoarse as Andrew felt a shiver run down his spine. “Must be the cold.” He reasons out as he adjusts his jacket to cover him properly.

“You should take better care of yourself,” Steven says as he pulls away and it makes Andrew feel worse. “Let’s hurry up and get some hot soup in your stomach!” Steven announces as he pulls both Andrew and Adam together to race off to their favorite restaurant.

\-----------------------------

His girlfriend is crying and Andrew doesn’t understand where it all went wrong. He tries to console her and tries to fix it, but it all ends to no avail. She’s become unhappy with him and in return, Andrew has been feeling quite distant with her recently. Their feelings for each other just weren’t the same as before anymore.

“It just feels like we’re different people now,” She tells him.

Andrew sighs, but he has to agree. “I’m sorry, it’s my fault.” He says because somehow, it does feel like it is his fault even when Andrew doesn’t know where it went wrong.

“No, no. Don’t do that.” She tells him with a shake of her head. “Don’t make this a blame game.” She stands up and goes to the drawer full of her clothes. “I think we need some time off. To cool off our heads.”

Andrew watches her and doesn’t even try to stop her from packing her clothes. He stays put in his place, sitting at the end of his bed. “If you want to break up, please just tell me.”

She stops, stays still for a moment before she looks at him with her tear-stained cheeks. She looks so tired and done. She shakes her head and then smiles so bitterly, it was as though she had just been freed from what Andrew had said. “Thank you.”

She packs her things, says good-bye, and leaves without looking back.

It somehow doesn’t hurt as bad as he thought it would.

\----------------------------

“Andrew, are you sure you’re alright?” Steven asked him over a glass of whiskey. It was a Friday night so everyone was invited over to drink at the local bar close to their office. Steven wasn’t much of a drinker and was a notorious light-weight judging from all their previous episodes with drinks. Yet, he often tags along in drinking sessions with his friends, most of the time he drinks the lowest to non-alcoholic beverages there are in the bar. He sits beside Andrew, nursing his own whiskey drink that Ryan had given earlier.

Andrew feels a pang of red hot heat hit his chest at the idea of Ryan and Steven being so close and familiar with one another.

“I told you, it’s fine.” Andrew assures his friend, trying to brush away any thought of concern from Steven’s mind. “It was mutual. Things just weren’t working out anymore.” He assures his friend as Andrew gulps in his glass of whiskey. He lets out a sigh of relief but immediately groans as soon as his drink leaves his throat. It’s been feeling really dry recently like something was also lodged in there. He probably needed to drink more liquid.

“Alright, but you know that you can always call on me if you need anything right?” Steven tells him and Andrew feels a warmth in his chest at those words. He knows he can always count on Steven.

“I know--” And before Andrew could even finish his sentence, Steven’s phone on their table suddenly lit up for a call. Andrew could see the name of the caller, named girlfriend with three heart emojis right next to it. Andrew grips on his glass, biting on his tongue so that he could stop himself from saying anything harsh to Steven.

He’d rather hurt than do anything to make Steven sad.

“I’m sorry,” Steven quickly apologized, he took his phone then rejected the call. “I’ll call her--”

“Don’t worry about me and talk to her,” Andrew cuts him off and Steven looks at him with wide blinking eyes. “That’s your girlfriend. You shouldn’t keep her waiting. I have my whiskeys here, so go call her and see what’s up.” He says as he pushes Steven lightly to try and shoo him away.

He hopes to god that Steven wouldn’t listen to him. That he would stay here with Andrew and comfort him for the relationship he wasn’t even feeling bad about ending.

“Are you sure?” The silveret inquires in a soft tone of voice, barely even audible in the room full of noise. But Andrew heard him loud and clear. Andrew is always listening to Steven.

“Yeah,” He smiles and as soon as the words left his lips, Andrew felt the lodge in his throat grow bigger. It was like he swallowed an unchewed meat whole or a small bone got stuck in his throat. He cleared his throat, willing the ill-comfort to subside as he continued. “I’ll be here when you come back.” 

Steven sighs but he smiles that smile that Andrew loves so much that it could take anyone’s breath away.

“Alright, don’t go anywhere else! I’ll be back for you Ilnyckyj!” Steven tells him in a cheerful tone of voice as he practically bounces off of the seats and skips his way to a more quieter place.

As soon as Steven was gone, Andrew couldn’t contain the rasp that scratched its way out of his throat. He covered his mouth, coughing continuously for almost a minute. It hurt, it hurt so badly and the whiskey felt like it made it worse. There was a burning in his throat and the weird lodge in his trachea won’t come out no matter how much he forced it out. By the time Andrew had finished with his cough fest, he hadn’t noticed that there was a hand on his back again to try to soothe him.

The blond looked up and was surprised to see Adam. “You okay?” Adam asked, concerned.

“I’m fine,” Andrew lied as he took the whiskey that was offered in front of him. God, that made him feel better. His sore chafing throat felt a bit relieved by the liquid.

“I think you should drink some water first,” Adam said as he called out to one of the waiters and asked if they could get a bottle of water. “Did you get that cough checked out by a doctor already?” 

“No, I think it’s just the weather,” Andrew says as he was offered a bottle of water and downed it to half immediately. “But, if it gets worse I’ll go to a doctor.”

“You better. It’s gonna be a pain to video you coughing while you eat.” Adam jokes as he lightly slaps at Andrew’s back.

“Yeah, fuck you too Adam.” He laughs.

The water didn’t make his throat feel any better even though he had ordered three more bottles and finished them all.

\--------------------------------------------

“So, next week you’ll go to New York right?” Steven said as he drove around Los Angeles. “If you want you can stay over at my place.” He says jokingly with a laugh.

“Yeah right, in your dreams.” Andrews replies back as he lightly punches Steven’s shoulder. Yet, Andrew does hope that Steven was half-serious. “We have the same flight right?”

“Yeah, we do. It’s on 13 right?” Steven asks back and before Andrew could affirm the date, there was a weird look that crossed the silveret’s face. “Wait, what’s the date today?”

“Uhm,” Andrew checks his phone for a moment. “It’s 8 today, why?”

“Oh no!” It’s September 8 today?! I can’t believe I forgot!” Steven exasperates, suddenly looking stressed. “What time is it?”

“Why what’s wrong?” Andrew inquires as he checks the time. “It’s 9:36. What’s on September 8?”

“I need to go to church,” Steven answers with a sigh. “It’s the nativity of the Virgin Mary today and I need to go to mass.” He stops the car at the intersection, waiting for the go signal. “I wonder if I can still make it to the last mass.”

“Hey, there’s a church close by here right? The Church of Peter of something?” Andrew suffices as he looks to Steven. He wishes he could wipe that sad look off of his face, he hates seeing Steven look so down.

“It’s St. Peter’s Church,” Steven corrects and he looks at Andrew with a sad smile. “No, it’s okay. I have to drive you home first.”

“What? No. You go to that mass first. How long does it have to be anyways?” Andrew refuses as their car starts to run again. 

“Masses usually last for an hour. I don’t want you to wait that long.” Steven answers.

“Hey, it’s your faith right?” Andrew says and Steven looks to him for a moment. “I can sit my ass down for an hour if it means you can practice your religion properly.” He found nothing wrong with staying put for an hour if it meant he could spend more time with Steven. Screw going home and sleeping an hour earlier, he wouldn’t deprive Steven of his own faith. “Besides, I’ve sat down with you longer in different places, I can handle a church.” He smiles.

“For real? You’re alright with coming with me to church?” Steven asks again, but there’s a tone in his voice that makes him sound cheerful and elated. Andrew loves hearing that.

“I am. Just drive to St. Peter already,” He chuckles.

The church was only a couple of blocks away from where they were, Steven parked their car and the two of them walked to the entrance of the church. Andrew has to admit that he has passed by the place from time to time, but he couldn’t help but whistle a little at the vast area the church took up on now that he was close to it. 

“Wow, churches are big.” Andrew comments as he looks around and finds white lilies displayed at the entrance of the church. He turns around to ask Steven about it, but finds the other at a stoup of the entrance. He watches the silveret dip the tip of his fingers at the stoup, wetting them a bit before he does that sign of a cross that he always sees Catholics do.

He waits for Steven to finish, watching him as Steven smiles up to Andrew and walks over to him again. “What was that?” He asks.

“Holy water, it’s a sign of respect whenever you enter.” Steven explains.

“Should I also?” Andrew asks as he points to the stoup.

Steven laughs and shakes his head no. “No, it’s alright. Let’s get in, I want to sit in the front since we’re early.”

Andrew groans a little. “Do we have to?” 

“Yes!” Steven says as he grabs a hold of Andrew’s arm and in that instant, Andrew was immediately like mush to Steven. He was easily dragged away to the front row where he and Steven now sat at. That moment was a swift blur, Andrew not being able to fully comprehend the moment as he ended up basking in the heat and warmth that was Steven beside him. As they sat at the pews, Andrew noticed the myriad of floras inside the church. He knew that there was a celebration in Steven’s religion right now and he has to admit, the flower arrangement was beautiful. But most of all, his attention was grabbed by the amount of beautiful lilies at the front of the church, surrounding the mini statue of a woman.

“What’s the event again?” Andrew asked in a whisper, leaning in close to Steven.

“The Nativity of Mary, basically it’s her birthday.” Steven leans in close to him too and Andrew felt himself grow hot at the lack of space between them.

“Birthday huh? That explains the flowers.” Andrew says. “Was she particularly fond of Lilies? I remember you like them too.” 

“Yeah, lilies are a symbol of the Virgin Mary.” Steven explains, leaning in closer so that he could lower his voice without Andrew having a hard time hearing him. Andrew could now practically feel Steven’s breath on his ear. He had to try and stifle down the shiver he got from the close proximity. “They mean virginity, purity, and love.”

“I see,” Andrew says and he feels Steven pull away from him. Andrew settled down into his seat, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. He tried to think of what Steven had said earlier, the birthday of some… Deity? Is she a god? Andrew has no clue, but it felt weird to keep talking to Steven when a couple of old people were starting to glare daggers at them. 

He decided to watch people for now, seeing many devotees kneeling down at the kneelers. Even with the pillow like top of the kneelers, Andrew decided that that would probably still be uncomfortable. He wondered if Steven would have to kneel at those later, hoping that he doesn’t do so since they look unstable as well.

 _‘Virginity, purity, and love.’_ Steven’s words from earlier echoed out in Andrew’s head as he looked at the statue of the supposed Virgin Mary. _‘That’s just like him.’_ He thought to himself. Steven, in Andrew’s opinion, was pure and full of love. To top it all off, Steven had also told him he was a virgin through one of their episodes in Worth it. The idea of lilies felt like it described Steven quite well as well.

The mass started and Andrew pretty much just listened to whatever the hell the priest had to say. He was a bit shocked to find out though that the _‘Virgin Mary’_ is supposedly the mother of a fucking god. That’s weird, but it’s Steven’s religion so he won’t judge. There was a sermon of following the word of god, explaining the history of their faith, and then singing songs that Andrew knew nothing about but just hummed along in hopes that nobody would notice that he was sticking out of this place like a sore thumb.

And just then, one of the songs had them hold hands. 

Steven’s soft warm hand suddenly held his own and he lifted them up. Andrew looked at Steven bewildered, eyes wide and questioning as he wanted to pull away. “Don’t worry, this is normal. Just hold hands with the person beside you and hum along to the song.” Andrew reluctantly held the fingertips of the stranger beside him, not at all liking that he had to hold hands with someone he didn’t know.

But he tried not to mind it so much, his thoughts would go back to Steven’s hand that was warm and familiar. He felt Steven hold his hand a little tighter and Andrew looked at him. Their eyes met and Steven smiled at him while singing.

Andrew felt his chest become warm, his head dizzily giddy. Yet, at the same time there was another scratching pain at his throat that went all the way down to his stomach that was so uncomfortable that Andrew had to hold on tighter to Steven’s hand so that he wouldn’t crouch down at the pain. Steven held his hand tight, worried about his friend as Andrew looked down on the floor, suddenly seeming to be in pain.

They held hands throughout the entirety of the song and when they sat down, Steven had to place a hand on Andrew’s back to comfort him. “Are you alright?” Steven whispered.

“I’m alright, I’m good.” There was a slight pant to his words, but he looked up to Steven and smiled. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing.” 

“Are you sure? We can leave you know.” Steven told him as he gently rubbed at his back and it made Andrew feel worse. He fought against the pain though, putting on a façade for Steven. 

“Yeah. I promise you, I’m good.” 

“Okay,” Steven gave in. “But if you feel sick, just tell me okay?” 

Andrew nodded and they listened to the priest again, that was until the communion started. People started to stand up from their seats and Andrew looked to Steven who was also standing up. He followed the silveret, but Steven stopped him by putting a hand on Andrew’s chest.

His chest burned hotly with both warmth and ache that Andrew had to concede in slowly sitting back down.

“It’s holy communion. I’ll come back, just wait here alright?” Steven said and Andrew nodded.

He watched Steven wait in line to be fed by a priest. _‘So, weird.’_ Andrew thought, but he shrugged the idea out of his head in favor of just watching Steven. He was in no position to judge, this was a different religion and one he didn’t know about. He smiled as he watched the silveret, watching Steven be fed a piece of maybe bread Andrew thinks. Steven beelines his way back to their place, but instead of sitting down next to Andrew, he goes down on the kneeler. It was at least a minute or two that Andrew had to stare at Steven. There was a look of concentration on his face that Andrew had never seen before, his eyes were closed and his hands were clasped as he prayed.

Andrew smiled. _‘So pure.’_

At the end of the mass, Andrew and Steven came out of the church back into the cold weather. He saw people taking the vases of white lilies and putting them inside. “So that’s what mass is like?” Andrew said as they walked to the parking lot.

“Yeah!” Steven said as he opened the car and sat inside. He immediately turned on the heater, both him and Andrew basking in the heat for a moment. The silveret turned to his side and looked at Andrew “Thanks for this, I really appreciate it.”

He looked so soft and precious, Andrew could easily feel himself relax around Steven. Sitting in mass with a slight pain was worth it if he could be with the other. “No problem, I didn’t mind.”

“I love you man,” Steven grinned. “You’re the bestest friend I could ever have.”

It hurt. It hurt so badly. He felt honored and happy that Steven loves him and considers him a best friend, but why? Why was there a stinging pain in his chest, like vines in his chest that traveled up to his throat, wanting to escape from his mouth.

He wasn’t able to reply back to Steven as his body immediately started to spasm in agony, his torso constructing and tightening. It was hard to breathe and he felt as though he could cough out his lungs. Andrew turned away, covering his mouth so he could cough out the pain and the block that was inside his body. He didn’t know what was inside his lungs traveling to his throat but Andrew wanted it out **_NOW_ **.

“Andrew! Andrew!” Steven cried out to the other, holding him in his arms as he continued to rub at his back. The silveret was starting to panic. He didn’t know what had happened, one moment he and Andrew were fine, next Andrew was suddenly coughing his lungs out.

“Should I drive you to the hospital? Andrew? Do you have any medicine there?” Steven tried frantically as he felt Andrew shiver in his arms.

“No…” He coughed. “No, I’m--” He couldn’t even form full sentences right now. Andrew held one of Steven’s hands and he felt tears prickle at the corner of his eyes. His throat was burning up and there was a swelling there that he wanted to get rid of. It was like he wanted to scratch the inside of his throat or try to soothe it. Anything. Anything at all just to make it stop. The silveret kept his hand on Andrew’s, giving him the support in holding his hand tight. Andrew’s grip was strong and it hurt a tad, but Steven could care less about it at this moment.

They both didn’t know how long Andrew had coughed, but by the time he had stopped the blond could feel a warm liquid on his hand that was slowly turning cold. Blue eyes looked down on his palm and Andrew saw that there was a copious amount of sanguine there.

“Andrew,” Steven called out to him and Andrew looked at him. “I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“No,” His voice stung him and Andrew had to wince.

“No Andrew, you need to see a doctor. That’s not normal!” Steven said.

“It’s fine,” Andrew said. “It’s fine.” He didn’t know who he was trying to convince, himself or Steven.

“Is it…” Steven started and Andrew waited for him. “Hanahaki?”

Andrew’s eyes widened, not expecting Steven to say that. “It is, is it?” He said with a trembling lip and stuttering voice. “Was it because of her? Ever since you broke up with her, you’ve been coughing.”

Andrew wanted to cry, he wanted to wail and deny. He never loved her. He never thought of her to be that important. It’s not Hanahaki, he simply just caught something bad.

“No,” Andrew said firmly, his voice somewhat resembling back to normality. “It’s not, I promise.”

“Promise?” He looked so fragile and Andrew wanted to hug him, to protect Steven from all the things he wishes he wasn’t seeing right now. Steven didn’t deserve to see him in this state and Andrew definitely did not deserve Steven at all.

“I promise,” He assured the other. “I’ll go see the doctor after New York.”

“That’s too long!” Steven argued. “We should go see one right now!”

“No,” Andrew answered again firmly. “This is nothing. After New York, I’ll update you as soon as possible okay?” He urged Steven to agree, not letting the other get a say in his health.

Steven sighed. “Okay, okay.”

\-------------------------------------------------------

His trip to New York was hectic and fast. Andrew only needed to stay in the City for three days; there was a lot of papers to arrange, some videos that needed editing and approval, and lastly a meeting in regards to new Worth it videos. He had to stay in the office late into the night and do a lot of over time. He ignored the fact that his body was burned out and he was already straining on his last bit of energy. The blond was bone dead tired, but he kept telling himself just a bit more, just a bit more. 

_‘Just a bit more, then I can relax and hang out with Steven.’_ He thought to himself.

Come in the third day and last day of his stay in New York. Andrew had slumped himself down on the chair in their office. He still needed to get home to pack his stuff for his flight tomorrow. The blond could already feel himself doze off from drowsiness.

“Hey, don’t sleep here.” There was a light tap on his shoulder and Andrew opened his eyes to find Steven. “Need a ride back to your hotel?” He sat on the open space of Andrew’s desk and waited for the other’s reply.

“That-” He stopped himself, thought about it. “That would be nice actually.”

“Sucks that you were too busy to hang out,” Steven chuckled as he got off the desk and stood up. “Finished with work or do you still have something else to do?” He tilted his head to the side in question.

Andrew shrugged. “Nah, I’m finished.” 

“Awesome,” Steven pulled him close, resting an arm on Andrew's shoulder and Andrew didn’t have the heart nor energy to even act pissed by it. Steven was soft and comforting, like a hot bowl of borscht on a cold winter night. “Let’s go so you can rest up and pack up for your flight tomorrow.”

As they were packing up to go home, another employee, Joana if Andrew remembers correctly, tapped Steven on the shoulder.

“Hey there Big Apple,” She greets him and Steven greets her back with a hug.

“What’s up?” The silveret asks.

“Just wanted to give you these.” She hands a couple of folders to Steven. “Big boss gave them, seems like your proposal got approved.” She tells him excitedly.

“Oh god yes,” Steven says in glee as he looks up excitedly before kissing the folders. He checks the files in the folders. “They better approve this! I had to miss mass yesterday because of this!”

“Mass?” Andrew asks with a puzzled look. “Isn’t mass like only during Sundays like you said?” 

“Oh, yeah. But, we were celebrating another feast yesterday.” Steven answers.

“Our Lady of Sorrows’ feast to be exact,” Joana sufficed with a nod of her head. “Although, I kinda hated the sermon yesterday, the priest was rude.” She told them in irritation, a slight tone of disgust evident in her voice.

“Really? Why’s that?” Andrew asks, curious. “Is this different from that nativity of Mary I went with you last time?” He directs the question to Steven this time.

“Oh yeah, very different.” Steven says as he puts his folder down on a desk for a moment. “Nativity of the Virgin Mary is her birthday. Our Lady of Sorrows is about praying for the suffering and grief Mary experienced when Jesus Christ was killed.”

“And let me tell you, even when that was the supposed topic, the priest at the Church did a 180 on the topic and talked about LGBT instead,” Joana exasperated. “It was horrible, I hated it. Felt so uncomfortable the entire time.”

“Was it that homophobic priest?” Steven asked, his features scrunching up in displease.

“Yes!” Joana answered. “He was all, gays will not go to heaven, blah blah blah, stop sinning etc etc. Like okay, homophobe.” 

“Wait, I thought LGBT people were accepted within Catholics already?” Andrews asked, confused this time, looking to both Steven and Joana. “That’s pretty fucked up if not.”

“Yeah, well it’s kinda in debate?” Steven answered back a bit unsure.

“Kinda, but a majority do believe it’s not a sin.” Joana answered. “God loves all us equally.” She smiled. “Ah, but anyways! I have other things I need to finish. Sorry for talking too much!” 

“No problem, thanks for the file!” Steven shouted to Joana who was already running away from them.

“Sorry about that, you ready?” Steven asked as he tucked his folder inside his bag.

“Been ready like 20 minutes ago.” Andrew grinned.

They were back in Steven’s car, driving in the cold streets of New York. There was something that was bothering Andrew about the conversation with Joana earlier. He started to fidget in his seat, uncomfortable with not being able to talk about it. He sighed, looked to Steven and decided to fuck it.

“Does your religion hate on gay people?” Andrew asked, probably not the best way of wording, but he tried.

“What?” Steven glanced at Andrew, looking offended. “No! That was just the priest!”

“Okay,” He felt relieved, like a weight had been lifted from his chest. He thought was from the fact that his best friend was not homophobic… Or at least, that’s what Andrew wants to think. “The conversation earlier just got me confused.”

“No, but I guess I should explain.” Steven says, not taking his eyes off the road as he explains to the blond. “For a long time, Catholics didn’t really believe in same-sex relationships or marriage.” Steven answers, stopping for a moment to make a turn and Andrew waits patiently for his full explanation. “I mean, I grew up in a really conservative household, so in a way I was kinda against them when I was young.”

“Oh…” Andrews replies and he feels his heart drop.

“But,” Steven says and he looks to his friend. “People grow up and I know that it’s not their fault for loving someone. A lot of people, priests, nuns, and followers in general already accept and love gay people. We don’t shun or drive them away, those who do are just assholes.” 

“So that’s your opinion?” He asks, wanting to be sure no matter how much it hurts.

“Yup,” The silveret answers back. “I accept gays, lesbians, and trans and all LGBTQ people. I mean, I don’t agree with their way of life since it’s still against Catholic teachings and there’s nothing about it in the bible.” Steven continues and Andrew can feel his heart be constricted with thorns. “But, it’s not their fault and God would forgive them. Love is love. But, I would never do that though, I believe in my faith. I’d never love another man.”

They came to Andrew’s hotel and the blond was quiet throughout the entire trip.

“Thanks Steven,” Andrew thanks the other as he gets out, doing his best to look as normal and well as possible. “I’ll text you tomorrow when I get on my flight.”

“No problem,” Steven smiles. “Good night and have a safe trip tomorrow okay?”

As soon as Steven’s car drove out of the hotel, Andrew ran to his hotel room. He had been holding in his coughs for a long time now, on the verge of breaking down on his knees and just crying from the pain. Andrew opened his hotel room door and as soon as he stepped a foot inside, his entire body gave out.

He crouched down, coughing uncontrollably that he barely could even close the door behind him. Blood spewed out of his mouth and Andrew could feel something coming out of his throat. He coughed. Coughed and coughed and coughed till his throat hurt, till a pool of blood was left on the floor, till he felt that long thin unknown leave his throat.

The blond put his fingers inside his mouth, index and thumb reaching inside for the long blockage that was just adamant on staying stuck inside his throat. Andrew cried, tears spilling out from his eyes and staining his cheeks. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt so fucking bad.

As soon as his fingers grabbed a hold of that thing inside of him, he slowly with shaky hands pulled it out.

It was white, a thin long petal looking akin to something he already knows. A flora he’s already familiar with.

“No,” His voice was broken and barely audible as he stared at the lone white petal.

\-------------------

His flight to Los Angeles was hell. He had sent a message to Steven assuring him that he had boarded his flight. Andrew had to wear a face mask and pack a dozen of them in his bag. He kept coughing and people could easily spot his already reddening face mask. He felt embarrassed by it all, but the worst was when he would cough and he would pull out an entire white lily flower from his mouth.

He could already see the looks of his fellow passengers and flight attendants.

All of them pitied him.

He had requested his doctor’s appointment too late, so Andrew had asked the company to give him a few days of sick leaves for his check-up. He had explained in private conversation about his predicament of coughing… Flowers and hearing the _‘oh,’_ and sad tone of the HR saying they understand was humiliating for Andrew.

First day of being isolated in his home and the lilies were everywhere. There was a bucket of them close to his bed, his bathroom sink looking both like a murder site and a funeral with the amount of blood and floras inside. His living room had petals of them scattered about, and even his own kitchen had bouquets of lilies in them. Everywhere he looked there were lilies and Andrew tried to rack up his mind on how and _who_ could it be.

“Lilies… Why lilies…” He whispered to himself before another fit of coughing ensued. 

As he held a paper bag to his face, Andrew’s thoughts were filled with questions. How could he have let this go this far? How could he not know the reason nor the source of this? His heart ached and Andrew cried in the pain of having to practically vomit out lilies. In such a short amount of time in September he was now coughing lilies as though he had been doing so for months or a year now. 

The amount of lilies that grew within him was increasing at such an alarming rate.

 _‘I should’ve let Steven drive me to a hospital that day,’_ He thought to himself.

\-------------------------------

Third day of trying to wait for his appointment and Andrew couldn’t wait any longer. He called an Uber and asked to be driven to the hospital’s ER. He was starting to look pale as death and the amount of blood he was losing was starting to scare the blond.

As soon as he arrived in the hospital, a nurse quickly came to his aid. Andrew seated in the ER for about thirty minutes coughing blood and lilies before a doctor was finally available to see him.

“You want to get tested on how bad it is?” The doctor inquired.

“Yes,” His voice was barely there anymore and Andrew felt dizzy. He was cold and shivering, a bucket was given to him courtesy of the hospital.

“Did you check with a doctor about this before?” The doctor asked.

“No,” He answered and the doctor looked up to him with a frown. “This is my first check up.”

“This is not good Mr. Ilnyckyj.” The man sighs as he stands up and gestures for Andrew to follow him.

The entire day was made of tests, body examinations, and taking of his blood. They doctors wanted to see as quickly as possible how bad his condition was. Yet, everybody knew that by the amount of flowers he was coughing, blood he was losing, and his general demeanor it was already too late. The tests for the Hanahaki disease had already been refined for years and it only took less than a day to find the results.

Eight hours into the hospital and Andrew was finally face to face with his doctor. He waited patiently, looking at his doctor who looked disappointed.

“Mr. Ilnyckyj, I’m sorry.” He started as he gave the piece of paper with Andrew’s results in it. “But, you’re already in stage 3. There’s nothing we can do from here now.” 

Andrew already knew it. He just needed the medical professionals to confirm it to him in the cold hard truth.

“Thank you.” He said as he stood up.

“You should get chemotherapy for this, we can still have consultations for you and--” Andrew had stopped the doctor before he could say more. He lifted up one hand and shook his head no.

“You don’t even know who caused it.” The doctor sufficed. “We need to--”

“I’ll be fine, thank you.” And with that, Andrew left the hospital.

It was a lost cause anyways. Stage 3 Hanahaki with him not knowing who had caused it and any time next month, week, or even today it could easily escalate up to stage 4 already? Andrew was a dead man already.

The ride back home was quiet, Andrew had stopped coughing the entire trip back. It seems that him realizing and not denying his predicament had let him get some form of peace. He cursed himself internally for not noticing all of the symptoms right away and not seeking medical help sooner. 

As he came back to his house, he locked the door behind him and all of a sudden as though the weight of his sickness had just suddenly dawned on him. He broke down and cried, knees hitting hard on the floor with his back against the door.

 _‘I’m dying, I’m dying,’_ He thought to himself as rivulets of tears streamed down his cheeks. It had hurt so bad and he was having a horrible headache, everything was happening too fast and Andrew was having a hard time comprehending everything. He was still young, he still had lots of things he wanted to do, and there were so many things he hadn’t experienced yet and all the things he had planned to do with Steven.

He wasn’t ready to go yet.

He felt another lily leave at his mouth and Andrew couldn’t even be bothered by pulling or spitting it out. He let the flora hang in his mouth and blood leak at the side of his lips. He could feel the vine of the flower stretch out in his throat and it only made him feel worse. Everything was horrible and all Andrew wanted right now was to be with Steven. He wanted to be near his best friend, to be held in Steven’s arms and told that everything would be alright, to hear Steven’s voice, and comforted by the fact that Steven will never hurt him.

He wanted Steven with him right here, right now. How he wished the silveret was right beside him this very moment. Steven was the only one who could understand and truly comfort him.

Steven was the only one he ever really needed.

He cried and cried, didn’t know how long he had done so and quite frankly at this point, Andrew did not care anymore.

Yet, in his tired state of crying and sitting paraylzed at the floor he was still lucid enough to feel his phone vibrate within his pant pocket. He wondered who it was or what kind of work was waiting for him. Andrew wished he could turn back time and enjoy his job more thoroughly and appreciate it one more time. He fished out his phone and checked the notification. 

It was Steven. Even with the now lilies in his mouth, there was still a quick on his lips that he was able to produce upon seeing Steven’s name on his phone. He unlocked his phone and checked the text.

 _‘Guess who came to visit me?’_ Was the text and he waited patiently for the next replies.

 _‘My girlfriend came! She said she missed me!’_ Another text, followed by a picture of Steven and his said girlfriend.

Andrew wanted to reply. He wanted so badly to reply back, make a horrible pun or tell Steven how happy he was for them. But he couldn’t, did not have the energy to do so when his body spasmed once again. Andrew fell down on the floor, body curling into a fetal position from the pain. His vision was darkening and slowly, the pain was subsiding till he no longer felt anything.

\-------------------------------------

The next time Andrew awoke, he was still on the floor. The lilies that lay before him told Andrew that he had been coughing in his sleep. There was blood pooling on the floor and it was enough to taint his blond hair to red. He sighed, sitting up from his position as he readied himself. He lifted his hands up and started pulling out the lilies and their vines from his mouth. Andrew choked, his body trembling in pain as he tried to hold on and pull it out in one go.

Yet, his body was already weak and he had to stop. He tried to breath in deeply, compose himself before trying again. Another tear fell from his eyes and he let out a pained voice as he felt a lily get stuck on his throat. Andrew heaved, banging his body against the door behind him as he felt frustrated. He just wanted the damn thing out, wanted to be able to breath more easily. Andrew took in a deep breath through his nose and pulled hard.

A scream was plucked out from his mouth as he felt the flower scrape harshly against his throat, it was bleeding all the more and Andrew had to crouch down in pain.

 _‘It hurts, everything hurts.’_ He cried.

He was nearly choking on his own blood now, feeling another lily sprout out from his chest and throat. Yet, all the while Andrew couldn’t think of anything but the pain and Steven. 

Steven. He wanted Steven.

He wanted to see Steven so badly, he wanted to be beside him.

“St..” He couldn’t even speak anymore, could barely utter a single syllable. Everything hurt and Andrew was in painful agony. But Steven… He just wanted to hear Steven’s voice one last time…

Andrew looked around him, trying to search for his phone. He had it earlier, was in his grasp for a short while and he wanted Steven. He wanted to hear Steven, he wanted to tell Steven…

 _‘I love you,’_ The thought crossed his mind and Andrew cried more.

 _‘I love you, I love you, I love you,’_ The words echoed repeatedly in his head and he cried harder, body shaking.

_‘All this time, I loved you so much.’_

Just one last time. He wanted to hear Steven’s voice one last time.

He was barely awake now, barely able to comprehend anything, but he was lucky enough to grasp his phone in the midst of choking on his own blood. 

Unlock. Screen immediately shows Steven’s message and a picture of his girlfriend.

Andrew cries. A shaky finger presses the call button.

He hears Steven’s phone ring, yet Andrew could barely even see now. His mouth bubbles with red and he lays down on the floor. The ringing was now distant and he could only see the lilies in front of him.

 _‘Purity and love,’_ Andrew thinks and he smiles.

That’s his Steven. Pure and full of love.

\------------------------

In New York, Steven was out on the streets. He had been spending some time with his girlfriend since they’d been apart for way too long already. He had an arm wrapped around her waist and they laughed and sipped on their boba milkteas.

His phone rings.

“Oh wait,” Steven says as he tries to get his phone without pulling away from the other. He checks the caller and sees it’s Andrew.

“Who is it?” His girlfriend asks.

“It’s Andrew.” He says with a smile, “You mind?” Steven asks as he gestures to his phone.

“No, it’s alright.” She replied back with a smile as she cuddled closer to Steven, basking in his warmth.

The silveret smiles, pulling her close as he answers the call. “Hey Andrew, what’s up?” He greets, yet the line is silent. “Andrew?” Steven asks again, voice confused as he arched up a brow. “Hey Andrew, are you there?” He tried again, but to no avail.

“What’s wrong?” His girlfriend asks.

Steven checks his phone screen and sees that the conversation hasn’t been dropped yet. “Hey Andrew, I can’t hear you.” He tries one more time and sighs. “Sorry man, the signal must be choppy. I’ll call you again later.” Steven says before bidding good-bye to his best friend.

“What was that about?”

“Nothing, probably the signal. I’ll call him later.” Steven says as he kisses her cheek. “Anyways, let’s go. I still owe you those lily flowers you love.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So, I hope you guys enjoyed this smol fic I made for them~ I really enjoyed writing this and I think it came out very nicely even though I didn't beta nor reread this at least once lmao
> 
> In this AU, Hanahaki is a pretty common disease, much like cancer wherein there's almost no cure for it. Doctors have an easier time identifying the disease since it's very common. In a way, sometimes the Hanahaki disease is undetectable even to the person who has it in this world. Which is very dangerous and I loved it a lot that way.
> 
> Thinking of making a sequel with Steven's POV this time. Tell me if you guys would like that, although I prob would write it still cuz I'm a lil shit who likes stuff lmao


End file.
